The Impact of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage

So many women are pursuing marriage like an objective to be ticked off a list. They do not consider the 50% divorce rate. Most are not concerned with what causes this high divorce rate, and subsequently, they are not concerned with having solutions for these causes.

It seems that some of us women have not awakened to the notion of a relationship taking real work as in a professional setting. We are asleep to the reality of our lover being like the client you are actively keeping, as he will have been like the client you actively acquired with intention by saying yes to his pursuing you.

About Sex in Marriage

Now, if you are not so sexually attracted to your man that you would want to have sex with him constantly, I think you probably should not marry him, after not having even dated him or considered him to begin with. This is crucial because to a husband, sex is not a thing he wants because he is “superficial”, it is a form of intimacy and connecting with you. Now, this is strictly regarding sex in marriage because otherwise, sex outside of marriage can easily be empty of anything meaningful.

Among the main reasons for divorce is cheating. It has been professed that some or most women in marriage eventually have no interest in having sex with their husband, perhaps after children, as if they didn’t come from that intimate act, and as it also seems that some women choose their children over their husbands, only for the children to be the most hurt by the divorce, ironically. And so the cheating is a consequence because a man is a living breathing conscious being in need of all a woman also needs such as love, affection, romance, intimacy, etc. I’m not condoning cheating, I’m diagnosing the 50% divorce rate that mostly women file.

Women have been taught that they don’t have the same sex drive as men. Women have the same sex drive as men and saying they don’t is a lie that makes them think they don’t want sex as much as their husband. As taught by the expert Esther Perel, in the same way that women tend to express their emotions verbally clearly and loudly, men do the same through sex.

It is not that they want sex just for fun, it is that it is a way to communicate their love and affection. Meaning, it’s a husband’s way to be close to his wife, communicate his love and affection to her better than he might do by expressing his emotions as the wife does. Esther reminds us that because they are men and we are women, we communicate our emotions differently. When I grasped this, I was liberated from the lie that is an evil that destroys marriages, which is that men love sex (more than women &) for no meaningful deep reason worthy of respect.

Wives should go from “I don’t feel like it” to “Make me feel like it”. Instead of saying “I’m tired”, well, isn’t “lazy” slow sex making love? Marriage is God’s holy institution, and so the devil and the kingdom of darkness hate it and seek to destroy it. Sex, in marriage, doesn’t have to be a chore because you know exactly what it means when you are enlightened to how a man is wired and thus what it means for your husband to want to have sex constantly. Perhaps the propaganda of men having a higher sex drive was because of this very reason of how a man uses sex as an active act of intimacy and affection, and of course, that is among its main purposes.

In a Marriage

When in marriage, seeing another beautiful human being and that equating to you wanting them for yourself (to cheat with) is self-worship (in that you want what you shouldn’t have but you choose it because you are your own god making your own rules), and insecurity (as that person becomes a means of filling a part of you that is evidently empty).

Human beings are creation, and just like seeing a beautiful, breathtaking sunset, seeing a beautiful breathtaking man or woman should not have anything to do with you wanting them for yourself or you not feeling beautiful, just as you don’t think you can have the sunset for yourself, and just as breathtaking sunsets don’t mean the moon isn’t absolutely beautiful, or just as the breathtaking full moon doesn’t make the crescent moon isn’t beautiful. In the same way that taking home an exotic beautiful animal can prove to be lethal to its wellness as you take it away from its natural habitat, thinking wrongly and taking hold of the wrong thought is what makes this world a deeply miserable, ungodly place.

The beauty and tragedy of a relationship is that the person you pick will shape you into who they are and you will shape them into who you are. If both persons have done the internal work and developed themselves to maturity (which the Bible translates as ‘perfect’), then what you give and take is good. If only one is mature, they give good but take back badness which they’ll have to work out of themselves (or they’ll become the ones to give bad and begin a cycle). And if there’s no maturity and personal development in both people, well, it’s a toxic tragedy that becomes trauma (engraved in their character & personality) that will breed what it is unless there’s vigorous intentional healing.

So, choose wisely.

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